The 3 Ps to Success ...

Sure ... SUCCESS means different things to different people.  Just as well, or we'd all be doing the same stuff at the same time ... getting in each others way ...  imagine the competitiveness then!!

So ... what is SUCCESS in general terms? ... what does it take to be successful?

Here are some of my favourite quotes and suggestions from well-known 'successful' people:

"Success consists of ... going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill.  Ahh persistance, that 'never give up' determination and courage.  More Winston wisdom:

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts."

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Crosby.  Yes, fear of failure is what stops many people from actioning their dream goals and following their passion ... so strong passion trumps fear.

"Success is ... knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others."   - John C. Maxwell [leadership expert and fav author].  Nice one ... links to understanding the passions that drive your energy and help define your purpose. Notice how it is also about persistant, continual personal growth and sharing that to help others. I like that.

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." - Albert Einstein.  Yes, I have learned that real success and happiness is not measured by money, material possessions, position and power ... the

external  stuff that we tend to judge people's success by,  [size of house, number of houses, cars, boats, designer label possessions, senior exec roles, .. etc] ... these things are not what drives or motivates me.  I'd rather live simply, without the pressure to compete with the 'Jones'' [whoever they are?], and make a bigger difference in areas where I [WE - my partner and I have the similar drivers] can be of the greatest value and achieve goals we are passionate about.

"The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way." - Robert Kiyosaki.  Ahhaa ... so strength to keep going [persistance] ... focus on your big dream goals [passion] ... and ability to take the knocks, get up and keep going. Successful people often go through many unsuccessful years and it's the great  learnings from that, which brings them success [patience].

So ... all that research, reading and rabbitting on, brings me to simplifying it down to 3 key things, the 3 P words, as a good reminder tool for me and one you might like too:

PASSION ... 

is my key driver ... creates energy, excitement, creativity, momentum ... love doing what I'm passionate about. When you are passionate about making a difference, and your purpose in life is to influence and drive change ... to encourage and assist people to become leaders in their organisations, their communities, and equal partners in their homes;  seeing the positive impact that has on others, provides huge personal satisfaction. 

PERSISTENCE ...

comes from a strong belief in what I'm doing ... the real need for change of thinking, change of behaviour, stronger leadership, and equality of choice - women stepping up to be their full version ... and knowing the value of potential outcomes, and that every step takes me closer to achieving those broader community goals.

PATIENCE ...

Ooops ... this one I'm still working on. Having such a strong passion and belief in what can be achieved for the benefit of all, I tend to get impatient when others don't jump straight on board with the program. Sure, I'm learning from the constraints, set-backs, and taking some advice ... like when to take smaller steps or huge leaps,  forward or sideways, but never backwards!  

So 2 out of 3 is not bad, right? I mean, for a Change Champion ... of course I want to move mountains quickly! 

The thing about patience is not so much about the waiting, as the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.  Frustration is a bitch that needs taming!  So ... I went searching for remedies to reduce [or kill off] feelings of frustration, caused by a slight 'under-supply' of patience. Here's what I'm doing:

STEP ONE - Start the day and end the day with +POSITIVE THOUGHTS+ ... Each day is a new day of opportunities, regardless of what happened [or didn't happen] yesterday or during today. While

doing outdoor stretches, bare feet on the grass, looking towards the early morning sun, or sunset ... is the time and space that works best for me.

STEP TWO - Remain intensly focused on my purpose and the desired outcome, and not on the obstacles. Let go of people, things and stuff I can't control or change ... don't let them steal my 

+POSITIVE ENERGY+, just because they've lost theirs.  Search for and surround myself with like-minded, inspirational people who bring out my best.

STEP THREE - Feelings of frustration are entirely my own creation ... YES!  A behaviour response; a choice ... just like happiness and +THINKING POSITIVELY+ ... I can choose to shake that negative, energy zapping emotion off ... and  change from trying to 'make it happen', to just letting 'whatever happens, happen' ... 'where ever it takes off'.  

Sometimes our greatest learnings come from hitting brick walls and having to find other ways to reach our goals ... zig-zagging towards successful outcomes or going to where the opportunities are. 

Did you notice the gold +POSITIVE+ plus signs surrounding the other 3 Ps in my creative illustration at the start?  Yes, it could be a 4th P ...  but I believe that positive focus feeds your Passion, supports your Persistance, and strengthens your Patience levels.   

Choose to focus on your own positives ... because in the end, your personal success really is found in:

" ... liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it" - Maya Angelou.

Until next time, think ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ly.

cheers

Jilinda

2014 - a year of more stones than diamonds ...

As I sat at a picnic table overlooking peaceful lakes in the early hours of 1^st January 2015,  having just watched a beautiful sunrise, I began to reflect on the ‘year that was … 2014’.   A song popped into my head:

Some days are diamonds … some days are stones,

Sometimes the hard times … won’t leave me alone … 

Yes, 2014 for me was certainly a challenging year … a year of choices, decisions, chances and change.  Not saying it was disastrous, or a total wipe out … there were some exciting times, new opportunities, new connections made …  and some difficult, re-affirming momentous reality checks;  each experience providing valuable lessons.

The old saying is true; sometimes you don’t realise what you had until it’s gone … but the reality is - where we were and what we had, was not meant to be … not the right timing … and not allowing either of us to grow and progress.  I’ve said it before … neither my partner nor I like playing small; it sucks our creative juices and the passionate drive we both value.  We knew we needed to be somewhere else … where we could make a bigger difference and help drive change … we decided to throw it out there and see where it landed.

Thankfully, I love change … I truly get bored with the ‘same old’ approaches, traditional thinking and ‘normal’ or average expectations.  I decided a long time ago that life is far better if you choose to be flexible, focus on the positives or look for better options, grasp opportunities, and embrace the unexpected adventures … simply try to make the best of each day, each situation.  Being positive is a conscious choice … in how you think, behave and action things.

Sure …there is some stuff we can’t control and can’t change, but I have found that even when we think we have no choices, it’s simply a matter of looking broader … out-side the box … move away from limitations and go to where you DO have more options.   So many of us get ‘stuck in a rut’, looking down at where our feet stand … to the point that we don’t see the opportunities on the horizon. 

Having a strong sense of inner personal power and an ‘I can’ attitude, also helps to not only accept change; it drives me to look for it.  This is also a conscious choice …

“Do I feel strong and invincible every day?  … No, of course not”

I have my down times … my more vulnerable moments.  Life’s experiences have made me more aware of my vulnerabilities … the things that drag me down or pull me backwards, and what builds me up; energises and drives me forward.  

Being near water is one of my energy sources … the peaceful reflectiveness of watching the sunrise is another … combining the two, is absolute magic.  Every sunrise is different. Every dawn brings a new day.  Some days the sun glitters like diamonds on the water… some days the clouds make it look grey, blending with the stony edges.  Not every day is perfect …

Life’s like that … it is not a perfect fairy-tale … and I’m certainly not perfect.

Just like these outdoor picnic tables at Barham Lakes, where I sat and wrote this blog … lessons are found in the simplest of things…

 Some tables are splattered with bird shit! 

Of course, they are quite vulnerable to this … out in the open near trees full of birds.  We can’t control where these chirpy, feathered friends decide to do their business. … nor would we want to.  Think about it … if the tables were locked away in enclosures, they would not be useful or an inviting place for people to sit and enjoy the beautiful surroundings.  

Lesson – yep … SHIT HAPPENS!  Accept it, live with it, or move on.   Ask: “does it really matter?” Clearly not for me … I had brought a beach towel to sit on and chose one next to it that was somewhat 50% less splattered!

Some are in need of repair … looking a little tired and sagged in the middle … not easy to navigate, use, and work with … clearly not the best choice.  Not impossible, just more difficult than anticipated.  

Lesson – CHOICES people … there are always choices, often better options.  Ask “do I really have to put up with this?”  “Will it frustrate me and drain me of my positive energy?” “Would I be better off moving on?”  … OR perhaps it is simply a short term inconvenience, less than optimal but OK for now? As I wanted to write in my journal and pour a glass of Baileys & Milk … there were better options nearby.

Sometimes it takes more than one to do the job … more than YOU alone to make stuff happen.  Individuality, personal power, independent nature, ‘can do’ attitude … it’s all great stuff, BUT that may not always the best, most efficient way to make the biggest difference.  Sometimes we need to push our table next to others, collaborate, co-operate and join forces to achieve our goals.

Lesson – Finding and surrounding yourself with like-minded people is the key … those that lift you higher and support your journey.  I've learned that while networking and social media are all great tools ... nothing beats personal connections with those who 'get on board' with your journey.

Just like the birds around these lakes … we are meant to flock together, to chatter and sing, to help and mentor each other, to mate and make homes … wherever you find a suitable tree, a nice park, an environment that suits.   Yes, sometimes when you think you’ve found that, the winds will blow … trees fall or get cut down … it may rain or snow … maybe the food source even runs low. 

Please remember this: No matter what happens, a new sunrise comes up each day, another day of choices, chances and possible changes … another year of aspirations and goals … wherever you are in the world.

LIFE – wasn’t meant to be perfect

            wasn’t meant to be easy

            wasn’t meant to be spent standing still in the one spot

LIFE -  is a journey full of experiences and learnings. 

Your life’s journey is in your hands … your mind, your behaviour, your actions drive your direction.  Embrace that, take hold of it …

Not all days will be sparkling diamonds … shit may happen … the path may be stoney … you may even get gravel rash;  BUT, it’s how you respond to whatever is thrown at you, or the opportunities that pop up, that counts in the end.

So, as I said goodbye to 2014, I celebrated the courage it took for us to make major changes … and remembered the lessons learned along the way … and appreciated the time spent over the last few months in preparations for rolling out an awesome 2015. I’m ready for it … 2015’s new book of blank pages – all 365 of them to make my mark … going to make sure I leave no blank pages.

Make YOUR 2015 count.  This is your day, your month, your year to explore new choices, take some adventurous chances and embrace the opportunities and lessons that change brings.

Sparkle brightly.

Happy 2015.

Jilinda.

This Xmas ... be your own version of BeYOUfiful.

And so this is Xmas…And what is the go?…Another year older and fatter to show…

“SOOOO great to see you Jilinda … you look G R E A T …

Your new environment is obviously agreeing with you” .

OK … so when you’ve stopped looking me up and down … YES, I’m carrying 5 kilos extra than last year … in fact 5 kilos more than I’ve ever weighed. So what? … Does that make me a lesser person? … You’re kidding right? That makes no sense at all as I am actually a greater person on mass J  

2014 has been a huge year for me … I’ve been through much change and many new experiences in the past year: ... sold our dream house at the beach, moved interstate to the country, learned heaps of new stuff, coached and mentored others, delivered group workshops, travelled heaps, given inspirational presentations to other women, started writing regular blogposts, upgraded my website, project managed a rather major downsize and restructure, explored lots of new towns and met lots of new people …  I really think I’ve massively grown during 2014 … mind, body and soul!

So … please don’t simply judge me by my appearance … Yep, I may look another year older and fatter ... but you don’t know what this mind, body and soul has been through and the goals I’ve achieved this year.  Sure, one of them may not have been my 2014 fitness goal … so what.

Your judgement doesn’t define who I am … it defines who YOU are.

Women are so obsessed with being the kind of  ‘beautiful’ as defined by magazines, media, shops, internet, peers, family … it's freakin’ everywhere.   The loud message is that if you are not a size 6 -10 [regardless of age & natural body shape], you are failing to meet the ‘generally acceptable’ level of attractiveness or beauty.  Well, I'm over it ... starving yourself and becoming obsessed with exercise does not make for a happy life ... it is all about living a life to [supposedly] meet others shallow expectations.

Don’t get me wrong … I like to be fit and healthy, wear nice clothes, look after my skin, and have a funky, individual hair style … I love feeling beautiful in my own skin;   BUT I don't have to be size 10 to feel beautiful ... I’ve not been a size 10 since I was 10 years old!  Being size 10 doesn’t make me more attractive [in fact I’d look rather gaunt and more aged].  My natural shape is curvy, muscly, booby, broad shouldered, and it’s not the type of body that stays looking fit and toned without hours of daily exercise, rigorous fitness training and diets of lettuce leaves, washed down with nothing but water.  I don’t need to do all that to feel ‘beautiful’.

I AM beautiful … I love having my own individual style – taking the time to choose clothes that are flattering to my shape, in bright colours that match my out-there personality and inner strength.  I love that my body is physically strong too … I enjoy strength training and gardening [yes, I can lift heavy pots and bags of soil]. I feel beautiful [and blessed] from within … I love my level of intelligent thought, my strong values and priorities in life, the fact that I have many choices and the freedom to choose … embracing the adventures, new experiences and life-long learning that changes bring. I find beauty in all of that … it’s a whole package  – not a size number.

Beauty comes from having your own style, living your own way

and knowing your own mind.

So  … should we just ignore weight gains … not mention it ...  not have health and fitness goals?

No …  I DO care that I’m carrying a little more weight this year?  Do you think I haven’t noticed that some of my fitted skirts are too tight to wear comfortably … or don’t even do up? Of course I’ve noticed …  while I’m not one to hop on the bathroom scales every day and have that number dictate how I feel for the day [ha, how can a number MAKE you feel anything?!] … I’m definitely aware that some of my fav outfits are not a wearable option at present.  

Doesn’t that make me annoyed? … Yeah, sure … annoyed at myself for not pushing through those non-motivated winter days, and allowing the change of circumstances that have meant what I used to do [beach walks, hill climbs and swims], I can’t now do in my current environment.  BUT … I also know that was yesterday … and I can’t change how I chose to respond to yesterday's options.  What I CAN DO is choose to try harder and do it better today and tomorrow … and make new, more suitable goals for 2015.

Don’t waste time berating myself for yesterday’s efforts … all I can do is BE, DO and HAVE a better today and tomorrow.

Does the extra weight make me feel less beautiful? … No, well - not really, nothing that sticks to me these days.  Just occasional niggling voices that come up from my deep past, as I was brought up in an extremely judgemental environment … one that valued hard work over laziness, and the judgement that over-weight people = laziness. The same soul-destroying, perfectionist story that I took into my first marriage about what ‘a perfect wife and mother’ should be like and look like … but that’s a ‘yester-year’ thing, and I laugh now when I think of the shallowness of that type of judgemental thinking.

When I embraced ME as a whole, unique package – I realised beauty is so much more than external attributes, specifically sized packages, or carefully applied make-up … YES, beauty comes from within ... from the inside out.

No amount of dieting, fitness training or makeup can cover up an ugly personality.

I love having an 'out-there', unique, individualist, strong-minded personality, encased in a slightly larger than ‘magazine’ average body with curves … living a fairly fit and healthy life in line with my values and beliefs. You see, that way ... I’m in competition with no one … not trying to look like others, or live to other’s expectations ... no numbers on the scales, no ‘must have’ dictations, no unrealistic demands from peers or those I spend time with.  My inner strength comes from believing in myself ... individualism that builds immense personal power. That's beautiful J

I also choose to share my life with a REAL partner  … one who shares the same values and loves the WHOLE me, the complete package, as I am, [lumps and bumps] … neither of us wanting the ‘trying- to- be- perfect- to- meet- others- expectations’ version.  I feel most beautiful in the arms of the man I love … no designer clothes or 'perfect body' can ever make me feel more beautiful than to be touched and loved by my man.

So my message to you this Xmas … as you share with family and friends is to chill out and simply:

Be-YOU-tiful

You are going to be in your body for a long time … you might as well get comfortable in it and enjoy showing off your full package – your mind, body and soul. 

Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful

Rock on …. Jingle those bells, don your gay apparel and have a beautiful Xmas holiday period.

Be YOU, nobody else does it better.

The FOUR important questions successful people ask ... Part 4 - WHY NOT NOW?

QUESTION 4 – WHY NOT NOW?

Do you remember what the word ‘NOW’ meant as a child ? … I recall it being often used with that urgent, raised and directive tone, sometimes followed by counting 1, 2, 3 … !  It meant:

                  ‘hop right to that’ … ‘ don’t delay’ … ‘just do it’  …  ‘the clock is ticking’ … 

and often not doing it now, meant less than pleasant consequences!  

Yet … somewhere along life’s path of growing up,  making our own decisions, and having lots of choices, we learn lots of reasons [and excuses] why NOW might not be the optimal time … we become more hesitant, perhaps more cautious, maybe even a tad complacent.  And somehow, ducks lining up becomes a necessity.

This is the fourth and final blog in this series … and this question – WHY NOT NOW? is number 4 of the all important questions that successful people ask themselves, for good reason.  I have previously written about:  WHY? [a great place to start questioning the status quo] … WHY NOT? [my favourite challenging question] … WHY NOT ME? [addressing the inner voice and fears];  so if you haven’t already, perhaps read those blogs first.  WHY?  … because when you have clearly, openly and honestly answered the first 3 questions, the fourth one becomes less of a real challenge.

So … WHY NOT NOW? … is today’s question.  Yes, another challenging one … fits in with all those years of nagging reminder sayings in our heads like:

‘now is as good a time as any’

‘time is passing by quickly’

‘when opportunity knocks, jump on it’

‘if I don’t do it, someone else will ’

‘seriously, it’s now or never’

‘NOW is the only time we have … yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not a given’

Geez, just writing these straight out of my head is like being slapped in the face over and over … it’s a real wake-up call to action.   I mean … how many times have you had a great idea or a half completed plan that you’ve sat on for a while, then find out that others have jumped on it and you’ve missed a good opportunity to showcase what you can do? … Seriously, I’ve lost count.

So why don’t we just JUMP to it? Many of us are creative thinkers … have great ideas … make a lot of ‘should do’ lists.  I love creating stuff: planning out my week on the whiteboard and designing new programs on butchers paper stuck all over my wall … gotta love self-stick butchers paper, bright coloured pens, flow charts, drawings, inspirational quotes, continually tweaking my website J  Creative thinking is fun … like playtime or make-believe or perhaps ‘blue skying’.  All good stuff … and I can do that all day, every day … but that doesn’t make me or my business a success.   At some point [maybe NOW?] … the rubber has to hit the road.

Taking action is where the NOW comes into play. It’s all good to know WHY you are doing things – your purpose and intent … to challenge yourself to WHY NOT do that innovative thing or make that change … to question WHY NOT ME – build belief in your own ability … but, if you don’t DO it, you won’t succeed.   To say, ‘someday’ … ‘one day soon’ … ‘maybe next year’ … is not a plan of action; it’s a concept at best, a whim and whine at worse. It’s what happens to many New Year’s resolutions, and the ‘gonna-doers’ with their all talk – no action habits.

When I’m facilitating a brainstorm session towards action planning with a work group, I use this simple 3-step framework:  We start with:

1.       WHAT [options / ideas / possible solutions]
2.       SO WHAT [what will give us the outcomes we want - prioritised into top 3-5]
3.       NOW WHAT [specific action, by who, by when, how - with what support]

It’s the word NOW … that makes the difference … not - ‘by the end of 2015’ … more like -‘by COB next Monday or by next staff meeting in 2 weeks, we will have … ‘.  NOW WHAT is a good way to list specific actions with short timeframes, for a ‘we need it NOW’ approach. 

Lets get back to the question … WHY NOT NOW?  If you are like me [come on -  I’m not the only one], you can make priority lists with short timeframes every week, every day actually … but that doesn’t mean we always action them NOW.  Right?  Yep … in fact, an example that epitomises that point is this very blog … it’s been 6 weeks since I posted Question 3 in this series, so according to my initial plan, this one is several weeks late.

Procrastination is a bitch!  There are all sorts of excuses as to why we don’t do things NOW … or in the short timeframes we plan. Here are 3 top ones, from my personal experience and insights ... and how to overcome them:

1. Competing priorities … or the inability to prioritise [everything is important?]. 

When you have made your priority list, but then other things become more important and you allow them to take over … STOP, and reassess … WHY?  Are the new items simply more exciting? … Do you REALLY need to do that right now? … Can you schedule the new thing  for another day?  For some of us, it is the next shiny new idea that comes along and tempts us to park the previous unfinished one. I know what it’s like to have too many great ideas … all at once! Learn to focus on completing the task at hand, by parking new ideas to the side for later. I use 4 small whiteboards, or 4 stick-up paper sheets ... ideally, on the wall in front of my desk, with:

•  TODAY [right in front of me - middle, slightly above eye level]
•  THIS WEEK [just off to the right]
•  THIS MONTH or QUARTER [over on the left]
•  PARKED IDEAS [well off to the left side, out of direct vision unless I turn my head] 

2.  Perfectionism … those damm ducks again!

Is NOW not the absolute right time? … not ready yet? … are you often needing everything to line up just perfectly … and there is seemingly always more detail that needs to be done, before rolling out or starting that task, or completing it NOW.  Do you have trouble knowing when enough is enough, when to just DO IT / finish it? As an experienced creator and planner, I know how to chunk projects down into sequential tasks … it’s just that I’m often waiting for several ducks to line up in a specific order … or I go looking for more of them - fatter, brighter coloured ducks to keep increasing the size and tweaking the look of the perfection circle.  It is fear that causes perfectionism ... one of the most common ones: the fear of not being enough [not good enough] ... which I wrote about in my last blog.

3. Overwhelm … mindful focus discipline.

Firstly, forget multitasking – believe me, it doesn’t work. Recent Neuroscience research shows that it actually jumbles the neurons in our brains and slows down our productivity and achievements. When you are constantly switching from one task to another, it is difficult to get anything done or completed. Women especially need to address this … we are serial multi-taskers and our lives are often in overwhelm  … ‘of course women multi-task … we have to … many of us have three jobs - [career, house management, child care]’.  Perhaps … but we also have choices and don’t have to do it all [get help], or all at once.  It’s not about juggling several balls in the air … it’s about picking up one ball at a time and choosing to be in charge of how you manage your life [... and that’s a whole other blog series!].

Yes … we live in a world of constant distractions.  Like many of us, I have discovered I achieve more of my goals by simply ‘switching off’ to get tasks done [switching off phones, Facebook, emails, TV, background music, etc] … and mindfully focus on completing one thing at a time. My best writing time is in the quietness of late evening … or the calming environment of a secluded spot, sitting beside the ocean or river [not at my desk full of e-distractions].

So ... there are lots of reasons why we procrastinate … I’ve only touched the surface with these three that have regularly impacted on me. Sometimes it is fear that holds us back, or perhaps not having a strong enough purpose or reason to act.  The important thing is to become more acutely aware of when it’s happening, so you can:

change your thinking … change your behaviour … 

change your habits

One of the best ways to overcome procrastination is to make sure you have a strong, compelling reason to do it NOW.  To do that, you need to firstly focus on the pain points of not doing it … ask yourself:  What is it costing you? … what has it cost you in the past? … if you don’t achieve this, then what? … how will that feel?

Then … when you see clearly that old routine and outcome is not working for you, and you are no longer willing to accept that … turn your focus on the pleasure of achieving that thing:  What will it give you? ... How great will that be? ...  How will that feel?  Focus strongly on the outcome and get excited like it’s already happened.

So why not do that NOW!  Successful people jump on ideas and make them happen, with a mindful determination to succeed.  

Sure, I’m not there yet … but I’m much more aware when the procrastination, perfectionism and overwhelm creeps in … and I’m choosing to say ‘YES I can, YES I will’, more often than ‘not ready yet’. 

If you need an extra push and an encouraging, experienced voice on the sideline, a personal coach is a great way to implement better strategies, embed new behaviours and better habits. To get started today - Contact me for a personal Vital VERVE Probe coaching session  ... 

WHY NOT NOW?

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