And so this is Xmas…And what is the go?…Another year older and fatter to show…
“SOOOO great to see you Jilinda … you look G R E A T …
Your new environment is obviously agreeing with you” .
OK … so when you’ve stopped looking me up and down … YES, I’m carrying 5 kilos extra than last year … in fact 5 kilos more than I’ve ever weighed. So what? … Does that make me a lesser person? … You’re kidding right? That makes no sense at all as I am actually a greater person on mass J
2014 has been a huge year for me … I’ve been through much change and many new experiences in the past year: ... sold our dream house at the beach, moved interstate to the country, learned heaps of new stuff, coached and mentored others, delivered group workshops, travelled heaps, given inspirational presentations to other women, started writing regular blogposts, upgraded my website, project managed a rather major downsize and restructure, explored lots of new towns and met lots of new people … I really think I’ve massively grown during 2014 … mind, body and soul!
So … please don’t simply judge me by my appearance … Yep, I may look another year older and fatter ... but you don’t know what this mind, body and soul has been through and the goals I’ve achieved this year. Sure, one of them may not have been my 2014 fitness goal … so what.
Your judgement doesn’t define who I am … it defines who YOU are.
Women are so obsessed with being the kind of ‘beautiful’ as defined by magazines, media, shops, internet, peers, family … it's freakin’ everywhere. The loud message is that if you are not a size 6 -10 [regardless of age & natural body shape], you are failing to meet the ‘generally acceptable’ level of attractiveness or beauty. Well, I'm over it ... starving yourself and becoming obsessed with exercise does not make for a happy life ... it is all about living a life to [supposedly] meet others shallow expectations.
Don’t get me wrong … I like to be fit and healthy, wear nice clothes, look after my skin, and have a funky, individual hair style … I love feeling beautiful in my own skin; BUT I don't have to be size 10 to feel beautiful ... I’ve not been a size 10 since I was 10 years old! Being size 10 doesn’t make me more attractive [in fact I’d look rather gaunt and more aged]. My natural shape is curvy, muscly, booby, broad shouldered, and it’s not the type of body that stays looking fit and toned without hours of daily exercise, rigorous fitness training and diets of lettuce leaves, washed down with nothing but water. I don’t need to do all that to feel ‘beautiful’.
I AM beautiful … I love having my own individual style – taking the time to choose clothes that are flattering to my shape, in bright colours that match my out-there personality and inner strength. I love that my body is physically strong too … I enjoy strength training and gardening [yes, I can lift heavy pots and bags of soil]. I feel beautiful [and blessed] from within … I love my level of intelligent thought, my strong values and priorities in life, the fact that I have many choices and the freedom to choose … embracing the adventures, new experiences and life-long learning that changes bring. I find beauty in all of that … it’s a whole package – not a size number.
Beauty comes from having your own style, living your own way
and knowing your own mind.
So … should we just ignore weight gains … not mention it ... not have health and fitness goals?
No … I DO care that I’m carrying a little more weight this year? Do you think I haven’t noticed that some of my fitted skirts are too tight to wear comfortably … or don’t even do up? Of course I’ve noticed … while I’m not one to hop on the bathroom scales every day and have that number dictate how I feel for the day [ha, how can a number MAKE you feel anything?!] … I’m definitely aware that some of my fav outfits are not a wearable option at present.
Doesn’t that make me annoyed? … Yeah, sure … annoyed at myself for not pushing through those non-motivated winter days, and allowing the change of circumstances that have meant what I used to do [beach walks, hill climbs and swims], I can’t now do in my current environment. BUT … I also know that was yesterday … and I can’t change how I chose to respond to yesterday's options. What I CAN DO is choose to try harder and do it better today and tomorrow … and make new, more suitable goals for 2015.
Don’t waste time berating myself for yesterday’s efforts … all I can do is BE, DO and HAVE a better today and tomorrow.
Does the extra weight make me feel less beautiful? … No, well - not really, nothing that sticks to me these days. Just occasional niggling voices that come up from my deep past, as I was brought up in an extremely judgemental environment … one that valued hard work over laziness, and the judgement that over-weight people = laziness. The same soul-destroying, perfectionist story that I took into my first marriage about what ‘a perfect wife and mother’ should be like and look like … but that’s a ‘yester-year’ thing, and I laugh now when I think of the shallowness of that type of judgemental thinking.
When I embraced ME as a whole, unique package – I realised beauty is so much more than external attributes, specifically sized packages, or carefully applied make-up … YES, beauty comes from within ... from the inside out.
No amount of dieting, fitness training or makeup can cover up an ugly personality.
I love having an 'out-there', unique, individualist, strong-minded personality, encased in a slightly larger than ‘magazine’ average body with curves … living a fairly fit and healthy life in line with my values and beliefs. You see, that way ... I’m in competition with no one … not trying to look like others, or live to other’s expectations ... no numbers on the scales, no ‘must have’ dictations, no unrealistic demands from peers or those I spend time with. My inner strength comes from believing in myself ... individualism that builds immense personal power. That's beautiful J
I also choose to share my life with a REAL partner … one who shares the same values and loves the WHOLE me, the complete package, as I am, [lumps and bumps] … neither of us wanting the ‘trying- to- be- perfect- to- meet- others- expectations’ version. I feel most beautiful in the arms of the man I love … no designer clothes or 'perfect body' can ever make me feel more beautiful than to be touched and loved by my man.
So my message to you this Xmas … as you share with family and friends is to chill out and simply:
You are going to be in your body for a long time … you might as well get comfortable in it and enjoy showing off your full package – your mind, body and soul.
Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful
Rock on …. Jingle those bells, don your gay apparel and have a beautiful Xmas holiday period.
Be YOU, nobody else does it better.